2s

It’s not really a challenge to point out any highlights or best players when the team wins by 22 goals, so I wont.

 

Instead I will mention Daniel “Frogstomp” Johns’ attempt to bounce the ball 48 times, with most bounces returning to him. When handed the Bdub award, Dan replied with the voice of Lucifer, causing The Dub to squeal and run for safety behind Fuller. Torney was later heard complaining that he had never received the coveted award, so look out for him this week trying to do something funny.

 

I might also mention the attempts of Dunc “See you in a year, I’m off” Brown to kick a goal in the last quarter. After moving from his usual spot down back up to full-forward, giving him every opportunity to kick a fairy-tale goal, Tronics proceeded to waste every one of those opportunities. First he swooped on a loose ball after a Blacks free kick, only to be called back, then he marked strongly from a pinpoint pass delivered by Rorey, only to go back and kick into the man on the mark. No doubt during his time away he will gain a deeper understanding of the workings of the universe, and his significance within it, and never enter the forward line again.

Fitzy, on the other hand, seems to have been on the recieving end of what Coach Baz refers to as a "Mid-season reinvention". Rumours are that it was actually Alex "Magneto" Werner's move, but I am confident that it was the cumulation of the 28 hours a week Bazzle spends sitting on the couch, looking at the magnet board, pushing names around. Either way, it worked, and we now have a new forward. 

 

I was particularly amused by Nick “Fev” Martin. When he got his kick, it went straight up in the air, resulting in an audible obscenity, resulting in a free kick, resulting in him being asked to join the others on the bench. Before he could make his way to the bench, he laid a very good tackle, but didn’t receive a free kick. While running off the ground, he kept belting his chest and holding his arms out, even asking Torney “What more can I do?”  

Well, you could start by learning how to break dance...

 

Nick Dubois may be known to most Blackers as the unassuming tanned ruckman with the European nomenclature, but he will forever be known to The Black Bear as the man who stole the party. Never have I seen a man that big, dance so well. I am not a student of the paranormal, but I am now convinced that the ghost of the recently departed Michael Jackson came back down to earth for just a few minutes on Saturday night, inhabiting the body of our mate Dubois. Causing gravity to cease to exist, turning friction smooth, holding time still, giving the strength of a pack mule with the subtlety of a pantomime.

He didn’t just dance for us, he lived for us.

 

	Q1	Q2	Q3	Q4
HAMPTON ROVERS	1.1	1.1	2.2	3.4-22
UNI BLACKS	5.1	12.7	16.11	25.12-162

 UNI BLACKS HAMPTON ROVERS

 

1s

The Senior Team got off to an early start and stayed there. Although not entirely pleased with the journey, Coach Wooly was happy with the destination. Much like a man who rides a bicycle without a seat for a day and a half through the deserts of Mexico, only to end up in Cancun for spring break with Dan Cos.

 

Big Johnny Grigg plucked more than his fair share of marks, while Val was a lot bigger than a normal person and Robbie Scarlett somehow managed to spoil every mark his opponent tried to take (you’re such a spoil-sport, Rob), then pick up the ball and run away with it.

 

Lacey was fantastic again, with silky skills and a devilish smile. His impersonation of Craig Bradley remaining without peer.

 

The 3 ¼ time speech by Wooly had everyone within earshot tingling, hairs on the back of the neck standing up to attention. Aged men wanting to pull the boots on for just one more quarter, just one more chance to pit themselves against a worthy opponent and emerge, head held high, victorious.

 

A huge team of supporters flocked behind the Blacks goals in the final term to cheer the boys home, and they were treated to a memorable display. With Pitt showing lumberjack strength to wrestle a mark and goal, then receiving another without the ball returning to the middle, the boys could hardly contain their excitement. Jack Heeley was heard exclaiming “I’m very excited!” Even Yo-Yo man got involved, slotting a nice little sealer to get his name in the book, and more importantly, getting a mention from the Black Bear.

 

The crowd grew distracted while watching two random blokes on the hill behind the goals punching and kicking each other in the name of sport (what a ridiculous concept, why don’t they chase a ball?) until Lukey Batten stole their attention by soaring through the clouds, like the phoenix rising from the ashes, taking easily the mark of the season so far, then throwing the ball away before he hit the ground to protect his beautiful face. The umpire paid the mark, so who are we to argue. As we all know, the man in white, is always right.

 

	Q1	Q2	Q3	Q4
UNI BLACKS	3.2	8.4	12.6	17.11-113
HAMPTON ROVERS	2.3	6.5	10.8	13.11-89

UNI BLACKS HAMPTON ROVERS