It’s that time of year again. Time to crawl out of your winter hibernation, into the explosion of life that is springtime, time for the sun to warm your face as you leave the office, time to put the extra doona back in the cupboard, time for playing footy in the sunshine, mad Mondays, sad Sundays, vote counts, presentation nights and footy trips…. And most of all, time for The Black Bear’s Top 5.

 

5. Centaur. Luke Maguire. Quietly spoken, polite, friendly. Thighs like a half-man, half-horse mythological creature. I only remember him getting the ball once this year, but when he did he took off like a wild brumby, goalward, flying past opponents, striding out, dust flying up as the hooves struck hard dirt, tail held high, mane flying back in the wind, teeth bared, biting at the bit, steam blowing out of flared nostrils, head thrown forward, the whip striking hard, then kicking the goal.

 

4. De Fag. Old Cock. William DeFagely. An old-fashioned footballer, he never got a massage, never wore white boots, never wore product in his hair, never shirked a contest, never dropped his head when in danger, never got taped, never checked the replay in the big screen, never kicked backwards, never had media training, never did a recovery session, never pulled his socks up, never made a fuss when he smashed his femur through his hip. While he may be retired, due to the worst injury seen at the Blacks, he remains as Black as ever.

 

3. Doobs. Nicholas Dubois. Possibly for his freestyle rapping, possibly for his break-dancing, possibly because when people try to tackle him he just keeps running, possibly because he is the Blacks version of Sam Mitchell, playing a whole year in the clubbies before being promoted up to the Seniors, possibly because he puts the fear into grown men when he lines up against them, possibly because when he tackles, they stay tackled, possibly because he is big, and he has a beard, and the Black Bear likes that.

 

2. Scarlett Johannson. The Scarlett Pimpernell. Robert Scarlett. Rarely beaten. Puts team above self every week, in every contest. Average height, average weight, average speed, average strength, average skills, but with a heart as big as himself, and a full head of hair, he’s probably played 100 senior games, in some very good teams.

 

1. Jimmy. Fuller. James Fuller. Let me tell you a story about Jimmy "Three Bags" Fuller, about the Black Bear watching "Footy Flashbacks" on Sunday morning, huddled under a doona on the lounge-room floor, wondering what it was he hit his head with on the Saturday night, a story about Dermie Brereton, Steven Stretch and Chris Langford on the telly, showing all the children watching at home how the game should be played. It was when a Hawthorn player called Dipper was seen entering a pack head-first, with scant regard for his own safety, resulting in a Melbourne player leaving the pack winged, like a flightless bird, cradling his shattered collar-bone, that the realisation was made. James Fuller was a man born of a different age, when men were men and they bled like it (see photos from 1^st semi). Watching James play is like watching a red-headed kid riding his BMX no-hands down a big hill while texting his mate and eating ice-cream. It’s exciting, you can’t stop watching, but you almost want to look away, because you know pretty soon he’s going to hit a rock, go over the handle-bars and run head-first into a parked car.

 

2s

Bazzles boys were impressive on the weekend. In the spirit of father’s day, this was the arm-wrestle a father has with his young son. It was back and forth for a while, until dad showed his boy that he’s not quite a man yet (Grey Bear still hasn’t lost an arm-wrestle to The Black Bear, but he’s only 64…).

 

It was an even game until the last quarter, with some very good football being played by Tim “I never get out of a jog” Legoe, Mick “I tried to take 8 hangers” Battista and Mitchell “Mini Wooly” Hall.

 

However, it was in the final quarter that things really got going. As the boys, including former Blacks champion, and 7^th in line to the Premier of Victoria, Tristan Brumby-Rendell, got vocal down behind the goals, Shaef got vertical, almost taking the grab of the day, three times. Jack Heeley chipped in with a lovely goal from the pocket, Tommy Napier kicked a ripper, Nate O’Brien was everywhere, and now that the game was won, Kizza was nowhere to be seen.

 

Congratulations to Jesso on receiving the Bdub award, which was a tab ticket for the Saints over 39 against Collingwood. I’m not sure if it got up, so it might be worth asking him next time you see him, we wouldn’t want him to forget to collect!

 

 

 
 

1s
 

In 1995 Hawthorn lost the grand final to Essendon.

 

The very next day, Robert Dipierdomenico began training again.

 

Hawthorn won the premiership in 1986.

 

See you in the gym this summer.